There seems to be an increasing fracture in the relationships between teens/young adults and their parents. Why is there so much discord in parent-child relationships at this stage? Whose fault is it usually in the case of teenagers squabbling with parents? Who is at fault in the case of young adults beefing with parents? What can parents do to 'fix' this? What can youngsters do to 'fix' this? Can it be fixed? Is there a common ground...can the two 'parties' agree to disagree and maintain a loving relationship? Your thoughts please...Examples and personal experiences are welcome too.
36 comments:
Parents are always fighting with their children. They fight more when they are teenagers because kids at that age are trying to find themselves and are going through major life changes. Some parents just don't understand. Parents should get to know their children and try to understand what they are going through. I got along with my parents. They would talk to me and give me advice and i could go to them for anything. so we had a great relationship!
there seems to be a disconnection when it comes to parenting your child, and trying to be your childs friend.. I believe, that while children are young you need to instill in them good values, and the difference between right and wrong by leading with examples. And in order to connect with your teenager who is currently trying to discover the world through their own eyes, communication, love and patience is key. based on my personal experience as a teen, all I wanted was a little more positivity, communication, and attention and less punishment on things I did for attention.
Its both the parents fault as well as the teenagers fault. Many parents try to be their kids best friends instead of being a parent. Many teenagers take advantage of their parents kindess and mistake it for weakness. Parents have to learn how to balance being your kids parents and friend. Teenagers should think about what there doing and the consequences of their actions.My mom is bestfriend but she is also my mother. I talk to her about everything. Sometimes we have our differences and it starts a problem. No matter if it was her fault or my fault she always reached out to me to talk to me. She likes a atrong family realtionship. She would never hold a grudge against me no matter what I've done. Shes a mother first and a friend second.
i think parents and teenagers are to blame the parents should be able to listen to their childs problem without freaking out or trying to think of a punishment that they deserve and the teens should be comfortable with their parents and they shouldnt think about the negatives and how their parents will react when they find out
Yes, We can all get along. It's a possibility and it's in our reach. But will parents or teens conform with something they don't agree with? No. We are a generation that loves to debate and fight for what's ours. Teenagers want to live THEIR life, and parents step in by maneuvering OUR life as they personally want it to be. I've had many bad experiences with my parents because they felt that restraining me from what was wrong would stop me from actually doing it. It gave me more fuel to go through with wild things I now find to have been a total waste of time. But I learned it on my own. I never listen until I, myself need to give myself conscious advice to refrain from bad situations. So I see no "fix" to most family arguing. The only resolution I consider important is that parents become more supportive, communicative, and understand that life is how it is, not how it was. If their son/daughter has made mistakes in the past, it doesn't mean they didn't learn from it.
i think parents a teens can get along if both sides understand each others point of view. although parents always say i have been there done that i believe the child is the one who has to be put into a situation were they make the decision which makes him/her the person they are because parents at one point or another have to let there children be.
I like to think of myself as being old fashion and with the tv programs,video games, and music these days, the wrong message is being set out. I've always been the mature one for my age so this hasnt effected me. If my kids were to act up and disrect my rules, they are going to know it isn't right. In the real world kids and parents are always going to disagree, but there are always the right ways to go about it.
Being a teen, my answer may be a little biased, but oh well. What teens want most is freedom, but what parents want most is for their children to do well in life. The two don`t really mesh together. Parents tend to think that keeping teens locked up from the world so they don`t "hang with the wrong crowd" or get sucked into peer pressure. What parents don`t realize is that the more they try to keep them from that, the more the teen wants to go out and do it. Curiosity gets the best of everyone majority of the time. This controversy will always be around being that parents have been through it, but teens always think different generations work differently. This problem cannot be fixed, but improved. If parents would take a minute to be their teens friend rather than parent, maybe the teen would want to be open with their parent and communication would then come into the picture. With communication alone, so many problems would decrease dramatically.
I believe that communication, trust, and confidence are the three necesary tools in order to have a good relationship between parents and children, students and proffesors,and anyone else. Technology is advancingmore and more throughout our society now a days, which makes it faster and easier to communicate with adults through text messages or emails, but the best way to talk to someone is personally, which improves relationship status.
My parent where always super strict. When i was in high school I never really had a friend relationship with my parents. I would also see how some of my friends parents would act with their kids and some where worst. But others where nice. I don't think that it is ok to be too friend but not to strict eigther in between. For instince I know this lady who is to friendly with her kids and she even wants to act like her kids. She probably doesn't notice but she looks rediculous. She is forgetting that there should still be parent respect. Parents want the best for there kids but sometimes youngsters just need someone to listen to them and someone to spend time with them. I know thats what I wanted.
Parents fight with their kids. That is just part of parenting. As a parent I'm learning that I need to pick and choose my battles. Things that are big to adults are meaningless to children and vise versa.
It takes both ends to have a strong relationship in any case, whether its for a partner or with parents. I do believe having a relationship with parents is very important. There are many cases where children and their parents do not get along, even though they see the person every moment of the day and live in the same household. Communication is key component to a relationship. Parents nowadays including myself dont have a very close connection, just the ability to say get a job, don't do drugs and go to school, nothing more in depth. I honestly do believe parents should be considered as best-friends, a person who can be close to as it should be but isnt the case. Children also need to parents feedback quite serious, they have been in our shoes and knows how its like. We need to take serious consideration. Bumping heads back and forth will go anymore. No communication with parents or friends is difficult. Why do you think there is therapists present. People who can talk to with a heffy price tag. Communcation conquers all.
i think that both parents and teens/young adults can get along as long as each took the time to listen to one another without suddenly jumping to conclusions and start arguing without letting one another finish what they want to say.
I believe the conflict is much to do about parenting. I haven't seen to much of the old school parenting that I grew up seeing. Me being a parent myself I have tried to create such a strong bond with my young adult and my teens so that they will feel comfortable and know that they can always come to me and talk to me about anything. My reason is that I fear that if my children don't have the faith to come and talk to me about a serious problem they may get advice from an irresponsible person. They could get really bad advice and make some really bad choices. The downside to this is sometimes I feel that they want mommy the person they can talk to and play with as oppose to mommy the parent who still has a job to do as a parent and for their sake. Another thing I notice with teens these days is they seem to know everything, don't really want to be told right from wrong. It's like we parents were babies and immediately became adults without going through any of our teenage years so we don't know anything. I really do believe that the parent is mostly at fault to a certain degree because as parents we have to impose our good will and enforce our rules on our teens. If not they will leave home and be in some serious trouble. I believe the bottom line is teens have to know that as parents we want what's best for them and not what's best for us. They need to know that in the end it is their life and they have to live it. My opinion is that it can be fixed by the teens agreeing to agree until they're out on their own doing what it takes to be productive people in this world. They seem to want all of the perks in life with little to no effort to earn or achieve what it takes to have them. We should definitely be able to maintain a loving relationship once each of us realizes we have a common goal which is success for them. In the mean time. I love them so much i'm going to parent whether they like it or not.
It is both the parents and their childrens fault. Parents fight more with their children when they're teenagers because when kids turn to teenagers they become rebelious and want to do whatever they want whenever they want and parents of course don't let their kids do whatever they want and it causes fighting and arguing. Parents should understand that their kids only want a little freedom and don't want to be with them 24/7 like when they were younger. My parents and I never really fought because they would let me do what I wanted, not everything but most things, and if they didn't i would understand, but with my brother its very different when they don't let him go out he gets super mad or hes always talking back to my parents and they try to reason with him but he doesn't listen. I think it could be fixed but only if the children are reasonable as well as the parents.
Both are to be blamed but it is very common amongst families. Often children get ideas from society and respone to what they feel is right. It is the parents job to ensteel good morals into their children at a young age so once they get to stage of disagreeing with their parents it is only a faze. Most of the time being in the teens to young adult hood. As long as the parents are mature enough to know they are just kids and society is rough on them, in time they will change because nothing stays the same forever.
I think that it depends it's not always one persons fault it could be a balance between both the parent and child. If parents and teens would have more communication with one another then their would be less conflict since they can both see each other's perspective. Sometimes parents might be disagreeing with the teen but if they disagree they should tell the teen the reason why and not just say no because I said so. In my opnion I think what is really needed is more communication with one another.
it has been known from time and time that parents children for some reason don't see I to I and that is because when your a parent you have to instill into your kids so much more then they can understand at their age they seem to not care at their age all they think is my mom espects so much from me and us as parents we do espect so much from our kids we want them to do alot and go on and on and do so much better then we have life is more then just living for the moment.
When you have children you need to learn to be a parent and alot of times it is hard especially with teenagers. Communication is the most important thing and showing them you care and love them no matter what. Also you need to have a balance and teach them there is consequences for anything they do to teach them when they have to face life on their own.
Nowadays parents want to be their kids BFF, and I think it's because we are living in a time of young parents/parent. Kids need guidance from a parent, a parent that will build a strong foundation for them so that they can grow up with a strong grasp on life. Kids don't need a buddy at home they need a Mother, they need a father. they need a leader, a spiritual leader at that!. If their home has no discipline, then there's no love, and discipline does not strike. This behavior can be fixed, with God in the home, in fact NOTHING is impossible with King Jesus in your heart. Parents, it’s our Fault, be a roll model for your kid. Always remember that kids remember what they see greater then what they our told.
(Matthew 7:17-23the words of Jesus) (Ephesians 6:4) God be with you all
-Greg C.
As a Indian raised in two diffrent countries with seperete cultures I have seen how teenagers are around parents if two diffrent ways. I was always raised to never speak back to my parents but here in america many kids have problems with their parents because of the way the were raised. If a parent raises thier child correctly they are less likely to have the issues. Till this day even though many of my friends have problems with their parents and always talk back and fight I still get along perfectly great with both my parents and rarley have to talk back out of annoyance.
i beive it is natural now to here that. i think its just what they are going thru at that time that they will grown. i believe everyone went thru it and it will never change.
Both parents and teenagers play a major role in the whole fighting with eachother. Parents often fight for no reason and it gets them mad when they feel like they cant control their kids anymore. Another reason they fight is because at that age of being a teenager, kids are trying to learn how to be independent and start making decisions for them selves and the parents that are over protective seemed to be bugged that there kids are trying to grow up so fast.
The parent and child relationship has always been a complex matter. There comes a point in a child's maturing when he or she questions authority. When children begin to rebel in their households they're practicing their voices. No matter how well constructed or healthy the relationship is between a parent and child, a conflict will be presented and opinions and discomforts will be expressed. Youngsters are approaching adulthood and are practicing their independence. It is natural for offspring to sway away from their parents. Just because they were born and raised by their parents, doesn't mean they have to agree with every thought and rule. It is natural and parents in some way must be reminded of that because they were once young too.
The parent and child relationship has always been a complex matter. There comes a point in a child's maturing when he or she questions authority. When children begin to rebel in their households they're practicing their voices. No matter how well constructed or healthy the relationship is between a parent and child, a conflict will be presented and opinions and discomforts will be expressed. Youngsters are approaching adulthood and are practicing their independence. It is natural for offspring to sway away from their parents. Just because they were born and raised by their parents, doesn't mean they have to agree with every thought and rule. It is natural and parents in some way must be reminded of that because they were once young too.
The parent and child relationship has always been a complex matter. There comes a point in a child's maturing when he or she questions authority. When children begin to rebel in their households, it means they're practicing their voices. Even if the relationship between parent and child is healthy, a conflict will be presented and opinions and discomforts will be expressed. Youngsters are approaching adulthood and are practicing their independence. It is natural for offspring to sway away from their parents. Just because they were born and raised by their parents, doesn't mean they have to agree with every thought and rule.
This is a delicate topic...
the realationship between parent and child is love and hate as the child grows. Fixing "the problem" depends on the type of relationship a parent holds with their child. for example, I am the oldest of three and the only female; my realationship with my mother has always been at a fine line. she is a very conservative thinker where as I am a liberal thinker. Her extreme ways of keeping tradition alive through forcing me to cook and clean for my brothers and pick up after my father is far from what i think i should be doing. i believe in equality between the sexes. We always argued that I be money hungry but my heart does not belong to paper, instead I try and help the people by finding ways of giving the money away. These constant arguments led to a deep fracture in the relationship that we are trying to mend til this day.
So I don't think there is a way to "fix" the problem. instead, both the parent and the young adult must sit and attempt to listen to one another to keep the peace. adults- hear what your kids have to say. take it into consideration and don't just blow it off like they don't know or don't understand because you don't know that. You don't read minds! Teenagers- get over yourselves! Your parents only want whats best for you and they are just as lost as you are at times. Give them a break!!!
Believe me, I am hard headed and want to do things all on my own... but feeling like I had lost my mother was the worst feeling I have ever felt. You don't want to lose them... not now. not ever!
maribel Aranda
Charles Mesias......
Usually there is so much disfunction around the teen years is because in high school, this is the time when teens want to be their own person, to make themselves an image in high school, to try and get attention from peers, and alot of times, that goes against what the parents want/ feel is proper. A lot of times its between the reckless teenager who seeks freedom, V.S. the caring/ controlling parents. Both parties take equal responsibility. One way to take responsibility is to try and find a compromise where both parties can agree on.
I feel that one reason for this beef with the adults and the teenagers is just not listening enough on the parents side. And maybe if kids felt more comfortable and open to talking they would take out all the stress their feeling out on their parents. Oh yes there can be a common ground but both parties must be willing to get there.
During my teenage days I lived with my mom, I still do and then I was still immature growing up going through life struggles barley knowing what life is about. I was a brat and selfish and didn't know much so she had to put up with a lot of my bull I told her I'm sorry but I see things all clearly now. I love her to death. Without your parents your nothing. They gave you life. I think teenagers can still have fun and do them as long as they respect their parents and their parents understand and respect them.
There is always going to be "beef" sooner or later between a child and a Guardian. In usual circumstances, the parents might just be looking out for the child but the child is not necessarily getting what he or she wants so of course that may bring the child to distance themselves thus causing an argument. These types of fights usually happen with teenagers. Because at that age, they always want to be right. Parents are also to blame. I believe that parents should get to know their children and come to and understanding with situations. Communication is key! Achieving that will result in a great relationship.
To be honest it can go both ways....in my own experince my mother was the one to beef it ...my mother kicked me out and choose her boyfriend over me...it hurt to have known that my mother had loved her boyfriend more than me why? If I had been such a great daughter I always took care of my sisters and went to school..on the day of my graduation she didn't even go...till this day things are still the same hurts but someday I hope she can say I'm sorry....so therefore its not always the teens who want to beef it
Parenting is not something everyone is ready for that's why there is problems between families. In my case my dad was never there so i had to grow up on my own since my mom was always working. She was always depressed that my dad left her with two kids to raise on her own, so she never put any attention into me or my brother. There are just some people that shouldn't be parents.
I think teens and parents fight so much because parents really never try to have an understanding of the teen they never try to put their selfves in the teen situation. Its always no your going to listen to me because im the parent..
i honestly think it is depending on what the situation is, if a person have a different views there will always be disputes. if a person does not have a respect for you then you should not give them respect thats my opinion.
My opinion is that parents are too busy trying to be a friend that they let the kid do whatever they want just so he or she wont be upset. I think there should be a line we don't cross and respect our parents regardless of the situation yet our parents must also understand that they are not our friends they are our parents our authority.
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